Some Like It Haute

A Segway Into Couture Culture

by Margo Oxendine, Contributing Writer

One true thing about rural living: High-end designer-filled stores are at least a day�s drive away. We are relegated to the normal, everyday department store. And that�s a good thing. I can zip to Belk�s or Peebles for jeans or blouses, and � yes, I�ll confess! � Walmart for Fruit of the Loom. Otherwise, I can drive to Richmond if I�m craving Coldwater Creek or Talbot�s or Williams-Sonoma.

But there�s no need for that; those catalogs come right to my rural mailbox, especially this time of year.

Are you inundated with holiday catalogs? I am. They provide hours of gazing enjoyment, regardless of having just four people on my gift list.

For some unknown reason � demographic, I like to think � a catalog for Saks Fifth Avenue arrived at the end of the driveway this week.

(I should mention that I just returned from a jaunt through New York City. My hotel was quite near Saks Fifth Avenue; I walked past it 20 times, yet never once darkened its doors. We rural girls know darn well when we�re out of our element.)

The thick, glossy catalog only proved my point. The first thing my eyes lit upon was a poncho � yes, a poncho! � by Michael Kors. It cost $24,500. I have not mistyped this figure; the coat sells for more than most folks around here bring home annually. It is, in my opinion, nothing I would buy if I did have the money. It�s a poncho, for heaven�s sake. Never liked them. On one side, it is camel-dyed suede � the type of thing that reminds one of, say, desert boots. It reverses to �brightener-added white mink.� Maybe it�s just me, but I cannot picture myself running into Walmart for undies wearing a white mink poncho.

Many of the absolutely fabulous, or absolutely ridiculous, items in the catalog, by the way, cannot be ordered from the catalog. They must be purchased in-store. The coat, for instance, can be bought only in �select fur salons.� I find the idea of a �fur salon� kind of creepy. Have the paint-splashers of yesteryear abandoned their politically correct pastime?

Perhaps the oddest thing about the Saks catalog is, it seems to revolve around a transportation theme. The stark, white cover has just one photo to lure buyers inside: A Segway. Don�t ask me to explain a Segway. Suffice it to say, it seems a rather silly, not to mention slow, way to travel. The cover proclaims: �I�m going to Saks Fifth Avenue.� On a Segway? Really?

Each mode of transport featured a very long, very lean model clad in very expensive clothing. The first girl wore a $5,000 Armani python-print coat, pleated skirt and five-inch black stilettos and balanced upon � are you ready for this � a skateboard. I saw a lot of strange sights in New York, but nothing like this.

A model sporting saggy knee socks and a mismatched-plaid Marc Jacobs outfit posed on a pedicab. I did see pedicabs in New York. All were manned by goofy college dudes. Another model carried an $875 handbag while she teetered atop a tiny little scooter. Hands down, though, the most utterly ridiculous shot featured a model in black leather jacket ($995) seemingly enjoying traversing Park Avenue on a pogo stick.

Another model �wouldn�t dream of stepping foot into the club without a civilized, ladylike bag.� I guess a $2,000 Chloe handbag is considered civilized in some circles.

But I do wonder how many New York urbanites are planning to plunk down $4,700 for a bulky �diving watch,� even if it is designed by Chanel.

The section devoted to shoes was shot in the subway. I did venture onto the subway in New York. Once. I am glad I was not wearing $700 Stuart Weitzman boots or, God forbid, a pair of $850 leopard print sling-back pumps with five-inch heels. How does one navigate all those stairs in such shoes?

Just so you don�t think I�m full of sour grapes here, I will tell you there were some items I lusted after in the Saks catalog. For instance, there was an amethyst coat to die for, just $750. Too bad it only goes up to size 12.

I found something I could certainly use: anti-age serum by Sisley-Paris. Too bad it costs $500 an ounce.

I did find something I could afford: a lipstick. Just $45!

Wait a minute � didn�t I just see lipstick in Walmart for $6? I think I like that color better.