Margo Oxendine

It’s hot. And why wouldn’t it be? It’s August. August ranks right up there with July as my two least favorite months. I know, the rest of you embrace summer and all it entails: Family vacations, grilling outside, frolicking in the pool.

Cranky old loners such as I plan our vacations when no one else is thronging to the beaches and the lakes and the museums. I must admit, I would love being able to grill outside. That would mean acquiring a grill.

Ahhh, I long for those little $10 iron hibachi grills that you could set on your back stoop. I could work one of those. They didn’t scare me to death. Today’s giant gas grills and their attendant propane tanks? I won’t go near them. They require something I don’t have: A man around the house who loves danger. If I did have such a thing, my job would be to stay inside, watching fearfully from the window, ready to call the rescue squad.

And frolicking in the pool? Well, no one loves getting in the water more than I. In my youth, if there was a pool nearby, I would be in it. Today, my only option is the public pool. And public pools make me squeamish. They are packed with squealing children. And I know just what those children are doing while they’re in the pool. Playing “Marco Polo,” sure; yet I just know that, well, let’s say the pool is always fuller than when they got in. I cringe just to think about it.

So, I’ve developed my own beach bag of tricks to deal with the heat of summer. Cool showers are nice. And a big lake makes me a little more inclined to take a swim, if I must.

My stove gets quite lonely in the summer. I do not cook unless it’s absolutely necessary. When I do, I make something in the cool early morning hours, and eat it later. Frying up two tilapia filets can feed me for lunch and dinner, two days in a row. Cold sandwiches are my friend.

Here are some of my summer meal tips: First and foremost, ice cream! Yes, I often  enjoy an ice cream dinner during the hottest part of the late afternoon. Brownie gets to lick the bowl, so she’s happy, too.

If I were inclined to adulterate my ice cream, I could add chocolate syrup, made from cocoa beans; that’s a vegetable. And a banana, there’s the fruit. Add nuts, and you’ve got protein. There. All the basic food groups in one delicious dish.

I was eyeing the ice cream freezers at the supermarket recently. Two dear little old ladies were considering the attractive, splashy display. Ice cream freezers are absolutely the most popular gathering spot on a summer supermarket trip. The ladies seemed as if they might like a little help. Well, not really. But what did they know? I stepped right up and offered some suggestions. We had a lovely conversation about the virtues of chocolate swirled with peanut butter, versus vanilla with chocolate chunks and globs of peanut butter. We all chose the smooth one. Then, I suggested my very favorite ice cream: Orange sherbet swirled with vanilla. I am addicted to Friendly’s Fruit Swirl. It’s reminiscent of the Dreamsicles you used to get from the ice cream truck. Remember when they roamed the neighborhoods in summer? When I was a kid, I may not have heard my mother calling to come inside, but I could hear that ice cream truck’s musical alert from five blocks away. That gave me time to beg and plead for 15 cents. Ah, those were the days.

Another summer dinner staple for me is a bowl of cereal. I love a giant bowl of Special K Oats and Honey, with dried dates and cranberries thrown in. It, too, contains all four food groups. According to their TV ads, eating Special K will make you fit into your bathing suit. The slogan on the box proclaims: Eat Smarter, Not Less. Now you’re talking!

I just noticed, though, that a box is supposed to contain 12 servings. Oh. I wonder why my boxes are good for only four? I’ve been eating Special K all summer, and still haven’t braved squeezing into my bathing suit. Then again, why would I need to? I’m not headed to the public pool anytime soon.

To order Margo Oxendine’s A Party of One, email [email protected], or call 540-468-2147 Monday-Thursday from 9-5.