Aging's Learning Curve

Margo Oxendine, Contributing Writer

Margo Oxendine

Boy, am I ever on a learning curve. It’s not a fun learning curve — like, say, kayaking or knitting or baking festive cakes. It’s the “getting older” learning curve. And there is much to be learned.

The first thing I noticed, several years ago, was that I no longer burn the midnight oil. Except for rare occasions — and those require planned napping in the afternoon — I am ready to hit the hay much earlier than I ever was.

It began when, instead of going to bed at midnight or 1 a.m., I headed in at 11. Then, 10 o’clock moved into “not too early” mode. Sometimes nowadays, I find myself wanting to go to bed at 8:30. One recent winter night, I recall thinking, “I can’t keep my eyes open; I think I’ll go to bed.” I looked at the clock. It was 7:47 p.m. There’s no excuse for that!

Of course, the sooner one goes to bed, the earlier one awakens. It is no surprise to me when I wake up at 5:30 and am ready to attack my day. One morning this week, I’d gone to bed at 9 o’clock and woke up bright-eyed at 4:27. There is no excuse for that!

I don’t really like to get up until there is at least a hint of dawn in the sky. Full dark means I am tripping over Brownie, stumbling for the light — but not much light; nothing glaring at that hour, please! This discombobulates little Brownie and disrupts her schedule. She never knows these days whether her fuzzy self will be booted out the door for the morning piddle when she cannot even see. She’s old like I am; if I suddenly turn on the bright porch light, she is confused and temporarily blinded. Poor thing. There’s no excuse to treat a dear old dog that way!

Soon after coming back inside, Brownie is back in her bed, snoozing away. I’m convinced the reason for this is that dogs do not drink coffee. And they don’t really have a job, so no one cares if they sleep the day away.

I, on the other hand, do drink coffee. I have adopted a new coffee regimen. I set up the cappuccino machine the night before. I have learned the hard way that, if I wait until morning, anything can and will happen. I have forgotten to put the coffee grounds in the basket. I have forgotten to pour water in the tank. I have forgotten to put the pot underneath the spout. None of this bodes well if one needs coffee before the break of dawn.

I’ve learned one of the great advantages of getting up before dawn is that one gets to see the sunrise. In my crazy youthful days, I saw plenty of sunrises. I just hadn’t been to bed yet. A friend and I used to have this saying that would make us laugh out loud: “Hold back the dawn!” If you’ve been partying all night, dawn has a tendency to put a damper on things. Nowadays, it energizes me. I want to pick up the phone and call someone. “Wow, are you seeing this sunrise?” I’m sure they are happy I do not.

Here’s another thing about getting older: If you really need to catch someone who is at least as old as you are, it is perfectly fine to call them at 7 a.m. They answer with a chipper voice that tells me they’ve been up since before dawn, too. Of course, if you make a mistake, your name is on the “do not call” list before you know it.

Speaking of ringing phones, here are my secrets. Feel free to adopt them for yourselves, if you’re of a certain age. When I am ready for bed, the last thing I do before turning out the light is turn off the ringer on the phone. (You must train yourself, however, to remember to turn the ringer back on.)

I also put this trick in operation when it is time for my afternoon nap. It is amazing the number of people and businesses who think you must be wide awake in the middle of a work-day afternoon.

Speaking of sleeping, I’m doing it longer these days. It is not unusual for me to get in a full and blissful nine hours. There’s really no excuse for that! 

To order Margo Oxendine’s A Party of One, email [email protected], or call 540-468-2147 Monday-Thursday from 9-5.